Hi Unicorn,
Just read through your diary, I couldn't believe what I was reading tbh.
I'm no expert but it is mostly the pediatric orthopedic surgeons who do deformity corrections (lengthen, shorten, rotate bones) as children usually present with these conditions. I believe some of them also see adults to deal with these issues. For example, Dr. Paley and Dr. Donghoon are trained as pediatric orthopedic surgeons. The adult orthopedic surgeons trained in trauma, lower limb complex recon (guys that also do hip/knee replacements), and oncology also deal with deformities usually arising from trauma (surgery, accidents where bone not salvageable) but I believe their approach is to heal the bone first by shortening b/c you can still walk with a shortened leg. At this point, I don't know what your goals are but from my experience with tibia lengthening, when I asked the surgeon they told me it takes approximately 1 month/1 cm of lengthening tibia to union/heal. With so little callus and a 10cm gap with no reverse/shortening mechanism with the G-nail, it will take many months for consolidation while having an unstable base. I can only imagine the psychological/economical difficulties of healing that long.
It seems that you are a highly qualified professional with a harvard education. And too young to be throwing that away. If you cut your losses and if your ortho suggests closing the bone gap, it may take around 3 months for the femur to consolidate if you take the estimate for a new fracutre, and you would be walking pretty normally before that with equal leg lengths as you have maintained your muscle mass through regular exercise. You will have lost time, height, and money but none more going forward. The risk of more accidental clicks, infections, surgeries, procedures, and pulmonary embolism damaging your health and adding more time is frankly scary. Reducing to 5cm like others suggested also seems like an excellent option if this is possible, but I don't know how you can do this reliably in surgery; leaving a bone gap with a nonunion may be taking chances on its own. If height continues to be an issue, maybe you can consider surgery again way out in the future but with a smaller limit (probably 5cm max) on your femurs, and doing bone marrow right from the start. Doing more of this right now seems really difficult. And please please don't think of this as something you have to "beat" as you can't tell your body to grow more bone...
Another thing is the medication. When I was lengthening, I took tramadol on a regular basis. Only when I stopped taking them after lengthening that I realized, as an opioid, it was allowing me to feel almost zero anxiety about the passing time. When I came off I sort of woke up to the fact that all this time passed by in my life. Also, I was addicted to sleeping pills (benzodiazepines and imovane) when I was in my early 20's. I tried multiple times to quit, but only after ~2 years and going cold turkey for 2 weeks (when I didn't sleep at all) was I able to come off of them. Because the benzos also dampen anxiety, and when they come off the anxiety is worse, I made the mistake of lashing out and losing some of my friends. I am frankly scared of sleeping pills to this day for this reason.
Lastly, and this is my personal opinion, if having your own kids is what you want, you can plan to freeze your eggs and this will take some time pressure off and maybe change your decision about ongoing leg lengthening. Again, my personal opinion/observation, nowadays as men's appearance is mattering more and more and his financial abilities a bit less, if you go back to your good job and hire a personal trainer to get you a killer body I think that marriage is certainly not impossible (although I don't know your standards). If you are worried about your age, if you will consider guys who had prior marriage I think you will find yourself with options, especially nowadays when divorce is unfortunately very common.
I am wishing the best for you and hope to hear good news posted on your diary soon. Please remember to eat well (sufficient calories + lots of protein + calcium). Please consider telling someone, a family member; they will be angry at first, but in the end only family really can love you unconditionally and truly care. Please keep your optimistic outlook. Like old Mike Tyson said, after hundreds of millions of dollars, loss of his daughter, betrayals, etc etc, "As long as you are alive, you have a chance".
All the best and wishing you health.
